This past year has been a rollercoaster for me. I hurt my shoulder and neck in september at work and have been on leave since then. My Father Passed away on October 2nd (my wedding anniversary, after a brave battle with Brain cancer. My injury allowed me to see him before he died I arrived there just hrs before he passed, I had arranged for the following week off to see him, off of work, so had I not been hurt I wouldnt have left early. My husband and I seperated for a short time, but reunited and are happier for it. Then a couple weeks ago I was hospitalized for kidney failure, I was in for about a week before function returned. So I have a vcug kidney test the first, then have to travel 200 miles to a specialist for my neck on the 2nd. Then another appt on the 4th back home for the shoulder/neck. Gosh what a week.
I have been watching Out of the wild The Alaska Experiment, on the Discovery Channel, and now I want to go on that show so bad. It would be very hard physically, not counting how you leave for three months, how would I pay my bills while gone for instance.
gahhhh!!! I can't sleep! I hurt so I took a pain pill which should make me sleepy but no not when I actually want to go to sleep. I even did my no fail fall to sleep fantasy. The one where I'm stuck in a house with Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy and all kinds of fun stuff happens. And you know what I am still awake grrrrr. And to top it all off I didn't even get to the good part of the fantasy, where we sit around in our pj's, drink hot cocoa, and reminice about days past. ok ok so actually we're topless, doing body shots of tequila, and lick the salt from each others skin, and to be completely honest there usually is a bit sex involved. Sometimes including me other times I imagine i could restrain myself and just watch. But nevertheless, the fantasy didn't put me to sleep. So I tried meditating it was a no go. I also partook of my pleasurable activities if you know what I mean. I could have passed out but alas I wanted a smoke and since I dont smoke in the house, I had to get somewhat dressed. Well it is cold out freezing rain in fact. So now I feel stupid for smoking that fag when I could be sleeping instead. Oh I wrote a poem about that once its just a silly little thing.
Sleepless.
I should have been sleeping but I stayed up all night. I crawled into bed and I turned off the light. I tossed and I turned in my hard lumpy bed, When thoughts out of nowhere raced through my head. 'I left cash in my pocket I hope I don't forget. The clothes in the dryer are probably still wet. I went out for breakfast but tomorrow I'll make it I bet I'd enjoy sex more if I fake it I just got comfortable and now I have to pee. I should have known better than to drink all that tea. And while I'm up I should restart the dryer, And leave myself a note to fix that flat tire.' Next I remember I didn't send out the bills. Do you think I'd sleep better if I took sleeping pills? 'I'll pick some up tomorrow when I go to the store. Before I go to bed I should lock the front door.' I finally get to sleep I wake up feeling tired. I was late to work this morning and almost got fired. I get home late sit down with a book, But the children are hungry so I have to cook. The kids were awake they were washing the dishes, I asked my spouse to stay up with them and fulfill all my wishes. But he was tired too and we got in a fight Then came the question 'What did you do last night?' I stood there in thought but I couldn't recall, So he went to bed and I stared at the wall. Now nealy midnight, the kids fast asleep, My husband was hogging the bed what a creep. So I put on my Pj's and crawled into bed. But I just couldn't sleep for the thoughts in my head. The next person to bug me I'm going to slap. Jut leave me alone I'm taking a nap.
Tada. Well will once again venture out into the cold for a fag and try my luck at sleeping. We shall see.
